What the Hell?
by screammealullaby
Summary: Russia is at Germany's to discuss business but is distracted by a certain albino. After some bothersome interruptions will Russia ever get what he wants? Yaoi, now explicit R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

Glittering purple eyes stare intently across the room, a smile plastered down below. He looks happy, though no one knows what he's thinking and certainly no one would be able to guess. He watches a certain albino intently though a blonde is attempting to converse with him. He's obviously not paying attention. Said blonde, Ludwig, is attentively trying to settle relations between Germany and Russia but Ivan, Russia's spokesman, is not as interested. National dealings are important but Ivan is seemingly more interested in the albino, Gilbert, who happens to be Ludwig's older brother.

"Ivan," Ludwig growls, seemingly annoyed. "Are you even listening? I'm on a very strict schedule!"

"Da, I know." Ivan replies halfheartedly. "As you were." Ludwig continues discussing their agreement, though Ivan continues to ignore him.

Gilbert chooses this moment to begin yelling a colorful string of German curse words at his computer. His Gilbird jumps at the loud noise, though he stays put in his place a top the silvery hair, he's used to it by now. "East! Shut up!" Ludwig yells at him, getting frustrated that nothing is getting done. "I have to be going Ivan, we can discuss this another time." And with this, he gathers his belongings and storms out of the room.

Gilbert, completely ignores the fact that the Russian is is still in the room angrily screams at his computer, complaining about how 'unawesome' it is that it should be such a 'hure'.

Ivan sits, watching politely, same smile still present on his face from earlier and his violet eyes glitter with evil. If the Prussian were watching, it wouldn't be too far to say he would be running in fear. No, Gilbert is too busy. He merely sighs, though not out of defeat, he never admits defeat and slumps back in his chair and closes his eyes.

"Need help, Gilbert?" Ivan questions, just wanting an excuse to speak with him.

"Holy bumsen!" Gilbert jumps from his chair to his feet before laughing rather loudly followed by 'kesesese'. "Of course I don't, I'm the awesome Prussia!"

"It looks like you do." Ivan challenges, never changing the warm look on his face.

The albino merely blinks at the statement before taking offense. He glares at the other nation fiercely and barks "Like hell I do! Who are you to tell me otherwise?"

Ivan laughs and stands from his seat, ambling over to where the angry male stands, towering over him with intimidation prominent in his aura. "I am Russia."

Gilbert merely stands, amazed at both the fact he answered and still had a kind look on his face. It's... Scary but Gilbert will never admit it.

Ivan says nothing more and puts his large hand on top of Gilbert's silvery hair. He leans down more to the other male's height and laughs to himself, mumbling something about 'pretty.'

This earns him a very peeved glare and the albino begins screaming more colorful curses, fighting the hand off of his head. "Did I screw up my words? Who the hell do you _think _you are, touching me like that!"

"I said, I am Russia. I will do what I will." Ivan responds calmly.

"You self righteous bastard!" He yells back and takes a swing. He is stopped by a surprisingly strong hand and he can't escape the vice grip. His anger is only made worse and he fights against the restraint harder. "Damn it, what do you want?"

He still receives no answer, the other just laughs to himself. He tightens his grip on the Prussian and he growls at the pain. Ivan pulls his other wrist to join it and holds both of Gilbert's hands above him against the wall. He smiles again as if he were staring at a box of kittens and uses his free hand to pet his prize's face.

Gilbert is not happy being restrained or petted for that matter so he angrily tries to escape again and bites the gloved hand that is pressed to his face. Ivan pulls it back, frowning slightly and slaps the smaller male across the face. "You shouldn't bite people." Is all he says. He decides on a safer route and moved his hand to the others unguarded chest. He frowns again and pulls his glove off with his teeth before he returns his hand to where it was.

Carefully, he undoes his top button and Gilbert fights back even harder, yelling some sort of angry German at the Russian. "You're so loud." Ivan says plainly and presses his lips harshly against Gilbert's in an attempt to silence him.

The albino's eyes grow even wider and his complaints are muffled. He bite's the others lip, perhaps a little too hard and smirks when he pulls back, smirking a little as he sees blood along Ivan's mouth. Unfortunately, his hands are still incapacitated and he growls as a knee moves between his legs and the Russian kisses him fiercely once more, harder this time and shoots his tongue into the other males mouth at the first chance he gets.

The albino still won't comply, still fighting back against the intruder. Ivan isn't pleased with this and presses his body harder against the other males. Gilbert can't help but let out a soft noise at the friction which he instantly tries to justify it in his mind.

Ivan finally pulls back, seemingly satisfied and begins to walk away. "The hell? What was that?" Gilbert yells after him but he doesn't answer his question. "I'll see you when I finish my meeting with Ludwig." He smiles softly, wiping a bit of blood from just below his mouth and walks out the door, leaving a confused Prussian behind.

**Read and review? Should I continue or leave it as is?**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Oh look =D Continued on demand, short chapter sorry! I'll update again soon ^^"**_

"I certainly hope you're more focused today Ivan." Ludwig falls into the chair across the table from the other nation.

"Da, da. Pardon, there seemed to be distraction last time. Much better now." The violet eyed man smiled, folding his hands as a smile found it's way to his face.

"Alright then." The blonde begins his discussion and this time, Ivan listens intently, and occasionally gives him feedback. Ludwig, needless to say is rather pleased with how the meeting was going, that is until his brother walks in.

"West~!" Gilbert sings and the door swings open harshly. "Do we have any beer?" He stops dead in his tracks when he sees the guest._"__I'll see you when I finish my meeting with Ludwig." _The albino remembers his words with disdain and discomfort. "You know what? Never mind, I'll go drink with Francis."

Ivan smiles at him softly but is cut off before he can think of speaking. "East, I don't care what you do, just get out!" Ludwig yells incredulously.

"Fine, don't get so worked up! So not awesome! I'm out of here!" He steps out the door hurriedly.

Ivan smiles softly at Ludwig. "I have something to tend to I'll be back in a quick moment." The blonde nods, staring down in frustration and the other slips out the door in a rush. He wanders down the hall searching for Gilbert.

"Hold on." He says in his sweet tone and the albino stops abruptly, tensing slightly once more.

"You." Gilbert's red eyes narrow intensely as he stares into violet ones. "The hell do you want?"

" No need to be so upset." He _smiles. _Gilbert wants to slap that smile off of his face, in fact he tries to. His hand is stopped by a rather strong one and remembers their last encounter.

" Damn it! Answer me! What the hell do you want? And stop _smiling._" He yanks his hand away and stands back.

"Why are you so loud?" Ivan pulls him into an embrace, which he fights as if his life depends on it. This is Russia, it just might. He hugs the albino tighter, staring down at him with piercing purple eyes and his smile stays in it's place. His hands sink to his lower back, holding him tightly so their bodies are flush. "You interest me."

" I-interest?" Gilbert did _not _just stutter. "What the hell does that even mean?"

Instead of a reply he receives a prompt kiss, fierce and fiery. Ivan's tongue darts out to play along the others bottom lip but he doesn't respond. He pulls back upon remembering what he'd said to Ludwig and doesn't fancy being caught kissing his brother.

With no trouble at all he throws the angry male over his shoulder with the intent to find somewhere more private, perhaps with a locking door.

"West!" The Prussian yells in hope his brother will come to his aide. No such luck. His backside is readily slapped and he lets out an unawesome squeak. "Why won't you leave me alone?" He hangs limp over the shoulder of the larger man.

"I told you, you interest me." Gilbert can't even be angry as it's getting him nowhere. He decides not to fight back until he's back on the ground. Ivan takes a sharp turn into a small room that looks somewhat like a just an unused, spare room though to his disappointment it hasn't got a lock. Oh well. He drops the albino back onto his feet but never lets go of him.

Gilbert's glare is as poisonous as possible and it still has no effect on the larger nation. Ivan on the other hand connects their lips again in a bruising kiss, holding him as close as possible. The albino squeaks involuntarily and he mentally kicks himself, rather unhappy with his current position and natural reaction to such. He finds himself wrapping his arms around the Russian's neck, pulling himself up to deepen their contact.

Ivan _smiles _again. The Prussian is not happy as he feels the others lips turn into that damned grin so he sets their tongues into a heated battle for dominance. Somehow, they end up on the floor with the Russian sitting over Gilbert, lips still connected though their control battle is over, the winner obvious. Ivan's hands rest on the floor on either side of him for support.

Gilbert pushes him and he falls onto his bum, almost surprised as in no time at all the albino is on his lap, panting for air. His hand wanders over Ivan's chest as his other hand removes his bothersome scarf. That out of the way, he nips sharply at the soft skin of his neck. Ivan's head falls to the side and he lets out a sigh amongst his heavy breathing.

To depict the worst timing ever, the door swings open to reveal a blonde who, upon seeing the situation turns a furious red. "Mein Gott! G-Gilbert!"

"West!" The Prussian realizes he sort of lost control of the situation and climbs off of the other. "I can explain!"

"East! I don't want to know!" Ludwig interrupts, avoiding the other males' gazes.. "I don't care but if you're going to do such things go somewhere else, as in somewhere that is not my house and at least wait until I'm finished speaking with him!" The blonde sighs, and leaves, never looking back at the pair.

Ivan pulls himself to his feet and gathers his scarf, smiling apologetically. "Desvadanya, Gilbert!" And with that simple sentence, he leaves. Once again, the Prussian is left alone to ponder what just happened.

_**Oh look at that, nothing happened xD Should it go on or shall I stop beating a dead horse? Let me know~! ^^ Thanks!**_


	3. Chapter 3

This is it. Ivan _will _finish what he started today. The blonde German is out training his idiotic little Italian and stoic Jap for war, unsuccessfully at that and the albino is alone in Ludwig's house. All _alone_. Ivan knocks softly on the door and waits for the German to answer the door. He does, after what feels like forever and stands in the doorway without a word, gaping at what he can only describe as a neutral meeting. Gilbert can be neither upset nor happy that Ivan is standing outside his brother's house.

"Hello." Ivan says with a glowing smile, violet eyes sparkling. Gilbert raises an eyebrow and steps aside; noticing a bag of some sort over the Russian's shoulder as he walks into the house.

"Want anything I guess?" The German offers with no emotion, considering what action he should take as he closes the door. He finds himself oddly attracted to the man in his brother's living room, almost wanting to pounce on him. He knows better though, he decides he should just see how it plays out.

"No. Ludwig out?" Ivan inquires, sitting himself carefully on a nearby couch.

"Yeah, he'll be busy all day. I assume you're here to see him?" But to his surprise the Russian shakes his head.

"No my work is done with Ludwig da; just want to make sure we're alone." He smiles with a content noise.

"Oh. You wanted to be alone with the awesome me?" The albino glares, realizing his suspicions were correct.

"Da. Relax, we can get along." He smiles, remembering the albino's cooperation in their last encounter. He motions for the other to sit next to him, which he complies to and falls on the couch.

"So then, _Ivan_." The German sneers. "What brings you to see the incredible me?" Gilbert kicks back, putting his hands behind his head. Ivan raises an eyebrow at him with a curious smile but doesn't reply.

Gilbert isn't stupid; he knows this is going absolutely nowhere and decides it's best to leave the teasing behind and give into his temptation as there's no way out of it. He throws his leg over the others, straddling his lap. With an uninterested expression he stares down at the larger male though it turns to slight shock as Ivan roughly pulls him down into a kiss. The German doesn't remain so surprised and begins to take back his control, slipping his tongue out to tease the Russian's.

Some control he has, as Ivan is the one instigating it but oh well. They're both gasping for air as Gilbert pulls back, sitting up straight on his lap, panting slightly.

Smile, soft and sweet as ever, glows kindly on the Russian's face though his actions begin to contradict it. He pushes him off, allowing him to fall to the floor and laughs slightly. "Was that really necessary?" Gilbert barks, rubbing his backside.

"Da," Is his obviously contemplated reply. Ivan stands, towering over the albino on the floor, pulling off his large coat and scarf, and dropping them to the floor on top of his bag. Gilbert's eyes widen slightly as he's never seen Ivan without his coat. He was broad: shoulder's wide, muscles prominent through his tight, long sleeve shirt. Every part of him is thick with muscle: legs, arms, torso… Gilbert gulps, thinking what _else _might be the same.

Ivan crosses his arms proudly, simpering down at the albino: violet eyes staring intently as if he can read the others thoughts. Gilbert isn't going to let him win this. He sits up on his knees, allowing his hands to wander up the sides of the Russian's solid thighs. He bites at his hip, tugging softly at his clothes with his teeth and nipping at the skin underneath. Ivan smiles to himself. _So easy._

Gilbert's stomach flips over as he thinks about what he's doing. This isn't his first sexual experience, not even close, but this will be the first time he ever sucks a guy off and his heart pounds at the thought. Sure, West, Roderich and a few other's had done it to him but he had _no idea _what he was doing. One at a time, Gilbert pulls off Ivan's boots and tugs at the button on his pants. He bites the zipper pull and drags it down, the vibration feeling odd against his teeth but he doesn't complain as Ivan shifts his weight to one side telling him he's doing something right. Gilbert pulls down the larger nation's pants, fighting to get them off as they were fitting rather _tightly. _

He gulps again as he also removes the Russian's underwear, seeing his suspicion was right. Russia was a _huge_ nation. Ivan sees the distress on the German's face and smirks, twisting his fingers into the silvery hair. Gilbert sighs, and dives in. He slips his tongue out, flicking it across the tip teasingly. He runs his tongue along the length, ever so slowly along the underside.

The Russian waivers a little and they both realize he needs to be against a wall, or on the couch: somewhere his knees won't give out and, I don't know, crush Gilbert. Said German backs him into the corner between the wall and the couch so he can support himself on both. Gilbert isn't soft and lovey dovey so instead of soft kisses, he trails harsh nips up his thighs until once again he's faced with the Russian's endowment. He slides the tip into his mouth, running his tongue over it. _Gott _he was even bigger than he looked. Slowly, he attempted to take in more, choking slightly as saliva slides down his chin. Ivan can't help but smirk to himself as he watches the struggle, feeling rather proud. Meanwhile the German is still forcing himself to take in more. '_I'm gonna be sore in the morning.' _He thinks to himself. Ivan's hand, still in the albino's hair, urges him on, pushing himself further into Gilbert's hot mouth.

The German gags, feeling it hit the back of his throat. He begins sucking, pulling his hips to meet his mouth. He bobs his head and the Russian closes his eyes, dropping his head back against the wall. He digs his nails into the others thighs and begins dragging his teeth. He feels ridiculous but Ivan encourages him on with his panting and now soft moaning. Ivan thrusts back into his mouth, feeling a tightening in his stomach and his knees threaten to give out beneath him. Gilbert growls as they speed up, said growl sending vibrations through Ivan's lower regions. He holds onto the couch and the wall, bracing himself as he comes hard into Gilbert's mouth.

The albino is slightly taken back having received no warning but swallows all he can of the sticky, warm liquid. It tastes weird, but not necessarily bad. Some of it though, trails down his chin. Ivan pulls him to his feet and licks his face clean. Gilbert finds it oddly erotic to watch the Russian lick his own cum off of his face. They connect lips, the taste mixing between them as their tongues instantly enter into battle instantly.

The larger nation flips them around, pinning the other to the wall and presses him fiercely against it. He only breaks the kiss to discard the bothersome shirt on Gilbert and presses a hand to the German's chest reaching for his bag, pulling out a pair of handcuffs. He tightens them around Gilbert's wrists after pulling them behind his back. He rubbed their hips together, Ivan already getting hard again and Gilbert excited to the point of pain. "Get on with it!" Gilbert barks, panting.

"Whatever you say, da." Ivan answers, steering him with the handcuffs. He pushes him so he's standing in front of the arm of the couch, pulling off his pants and underwear before pushing him over the arm face first. Reaching into his bag again, the Russian pulls out a tube of lube. He coats four fingers diligently and licks at the base of Gilbert's spine, pressing two into him. The albino lets out an unawesome squeak, not used to such an intruder. He looks back at Ivan, hands stuck behind his back. Ivan plunges his fingers deeper, scissoring and thrusting them in and out. He adds a third, repeating his previous treatments, pressing further in and searching for his prostate. A shot of pain shoots through The German's body as a fourth finger is added. He snarls against the invasion, at least until he screams in pleasure.

Ivan quickly gets bored with the finger fucking, seeing it to be good enough and pulls out. Gilbert sighs in disappointment at the emptiness and instantly regrets it as he feels something much bigger at his backside. Ivan grips his hips and presses into him slowly. Gilbert feels like he might split in two and presses his face into the couch cushion. Ivan presses in further, not even halfway in and the German is resisting the urge to scream. So. Un. Awesome. Ivan pulls almost all the way out, ramming back in slightly further than before. He continues this until finally he's at the hilt. Gilbert is growling and complaining into the couch. Ivan pulls out, angling himself and slams back into him. Gilbert lets out a muffled scream into the cushion out of pleasure this time. The Russian picks up his pace, closing his eyes at the tight heat.

Ivan finally can move faster, pounding the German into the arm of the couch, loud, muffled moans resonating from beneath him. Gilbert fights against the handcuffs around his wrist, wanting nothing more than to free his hands. Ivan reaches around the other, pumping his hand in time with his thrusts along Gilbert's erection.

The albino can't take much more, feeling a tightening in his stomach. Ivan slaps his backside, causing another unawesome squeak to escape from the man beneath him. He continues a little longer, hitting into the German with unbelievable force. Muffled moans raise in volume, being screamed into the cushion and Gilbert releases into the hand and over the side of the couch, his fingernails digging into his palms. Ivan follows suit, filling the German with his seed. Gilbert stands panting, unhappy with the strange feeling as something sticky runs down his legs and Ivan smirks, finally having finished what they'd started. He removes the handcuffs, replacing them into his bag and begins dressing without a word. The German watches him carefully, pulling on his own boxers but nothing more.

Wonderful timing he has, Ludwig swings the door open with a heavy sigh, rubbing his forehead at the disappointing day he had. He looks up and turns a furious color of crimson as he sees his brother and the Russian, both mostly unclothed, sweating and panting slightly. "East! What did I tell you about doing this in my house!" He glares._"I'll never get that couch clean." _The blonde thought to himself, hurrying past the two to go to his own room.

"Perhaps I'll be seeing you again soon, da?" Ivan asks, pulling on his shirt over that perfectly sculpted body. Gilbert merely gulps before replying, "Ja, anytime. The awesome me always has time for a good fuck." He laughs awkwardly as the other bids him a small wave, wearing his coat per usual and slips out the door.

_**Tada~! =D Finally done! WOO! I had this written already but found what I had to be a little too kinky, to be blunt about it. Pointless shagging! Yay!~! No flames, you were warned and don't forget, comments and reviews are a writers best friend ^_~**_


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